Heavy Truths Call Not for Celebration
I’m struggling with this journal entry. I usually come to the keyboard with a theme and framework and, with relative ease and editing from Katherine, (check out her website at www.katherineburrowscreative.com ) the journal entry unfolds in an authentic way.
This isn’t happening today. I am sitting in my privileged life, working remotely in a campground at the southern end of Bruce Peninsula. I was intending to write about leadership and dig deeper into the leadership domains, but Canada Day is just a couple of days away and I am struggling with focus.
I am having a lot of feelings. My daughter and business partner was born on Canada Day so a few decades ago it became an especially important day for me. It is for this part of the story that July 1st will always be one of the most important days of my life, but the other side of the story is of course that it is Canada Day. Celebrating Mackenzie is as easy as breathing, but to say that I am conflicted about celebrating Canada Day is an understatement. How can I celebrate when we have this ugly truth that needs to be dealt with?
Oh, don’t get me wrong - I am extremely grateful to have been born in this country. I am reflecting on what that has meant to my life and the opportunity and privilege it has bestowed on me. But, for many reasons, celebrate doesn’t feel like the right word or action this year.
I was born in a small rural town in Saskatchewan of mixed European and 8th generation Acadian Canadian lineage, and raised on a farm. The farm was located adjacent to the Beardy’s Okemasis First Nation. My father had a working relationship with many first nations people. They worked side by side with him, and were part of the seasonal patterns of seeding, harvesting, and caring for the land. I have childhood memories of these elders as part of the fabric of the family farm.
I also have memories of attending pow-wows in summer. If I stop and close my eyes, I can still feel the drum in my body. I can smell the traditional food being shared and feel the happiness of being with school friends, learning about their families and traditions.
When I bring myself back to today, these rich childhood memories feel tainted and dirty. The lens of adulthood, my journey of unlearning, and the recent uncovering of forgotten and discarded children’s graves makes these memories feel so different. The resilience of the First Nations peoples is something to acknowledge. They would gather to celebrate their traditions and spirituality. They would work shoulder to shoulder with my father in a mutually respectful relationship.
I now understand, some of these families carry the trauma of residential schools. Trauma that has been passed from generation to generation because it was not given the light of day to allow for healing. Trauma that has been voiced but not heard. Trauma that today I more clearly understand. Trauma that requires me to act. I understand that I was not educated in these truths. In fact, I was lied to by the education system, the government, and the Roman Catholic Church. I am angry that these lies and half-truths led me to inaction and the unconscious perpetuation of injustices.
Yet, I realize that I am being privileged, even in my anger, as the first nations peoples are the ones that should hold the place of anger. This anger, however, misplaced, I am using to create change from where I can, from where I stand.
In my increasing awareness, I am going to do the things that are within my power. I will unlearn the euphemisms and fabrications, making room to learn, explore, and respond to the uncomfortable truths. I will support indigenous voices through holding brave spaces and stepping up when I see and hear injustices. I will spend my currencies of time and money to further the telling of the truth.
Looking for ideas on where to start your journey? I have completed the Indigenous Canada course through the University of Alberta as just the start of my learning. It was informative and showed some of the rich traditions and government of the First People(s). From this starting point, I will continue to learn the truth, I will continue to listen, and I will continue to hold brave spaces.
Two Wolves
One evening an old Cherokee told his grandson about a battle that goes on inside people. He said, “My son, the battle is between two wolves inside us all.
“One is Evil. It is anger, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.
“The other is Good. It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith.”
The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather: “Which wolf wins?”
The old Cherokee simply replied, “The one you feed.”
-- Cherokee Proverb
