Boundaries & Self Care- A Work Life Balance Reframe

Summer calls many of us to slow down, rest, and receive the gifts that this warm season provides.  The phrase “work hard, play hard” comes to mind as I hear folks speak about how hard they’ve been working, how many hours they’ve put in, and that they haven’t been able to do anything else other than expel time and energy in work. 

The personal development industry has frequently used these feelings of overwork with words that make us consider the ways that we are taking care of ourselves and work life balance.  I have been reflecting and considering two of these words - “boundaries” and “self care” that seem to be prolific in our cultural framework.

Buzz Word: Boundaries

When I hear the word boundaries I feel resistance, rigidity and disconnection.  Society defines boundaries as a protector from the external world to our internal world, “a line that marks the limits of an area; a dividing line.” (Oxford Dictionary)  

That definition feels very rigid to me.   I believe that if we put up intense walls or boundaries we block energy. Instead what we want to do is honour oneself through loving kindness and nourishing thoughts/ actions and bring this same energy into how we live and serve others. As Brene Brown thoughtfully states in her work we block connection, creativity, innovation, love, joy.  I believe we are called to feel it all - the aliveness of humanity’s shared interconnectedness and collectivity.

“To be alive is to be in a perpetual state of revolution. 

Whether I like it or not, pain is the fuel of revolution.”

 ~ Glennon Doyle ~

Reframe: Loving Fence with an Open Gate

Simon Sinek speaks about balance and our culture of actively searching for perfection within work life balance.  Balance is not standing perfectly level and still.  It comes from our capacity to cultivate flexibility and flow between the joy and pain states.  He also speaks about a remedy to “balance seeking” in consciously being in community to live life’s journey together.

Danielle LaPorte speaks about having a fence with an open gate so that the love continues to flow within ourselves, our connections with nature and each other. In the hardships, we witness these collective human experiences, and take care of one another in Divine Love. 

Buzz Word: Self Care

It’s important to take care of ourselves. Yes, we’ve heard this before.  Many times in fact! 

I don’t know about you but for me it has been exhausting hearing the word “self care” countless times. When reflecting and processing the constant reinforcing of the importance of self care I have felt anxious.  I curated an extensive “self help laundry list”  that created more pressure than pleasure in the attempt to ‘fulfil this list’. The multitude of rituals in the morning, midday, post work and evening practices got the best of me.  It wasn't until I simplified, slowed down, and listened that I began to hear more clearly. 

Reframe: Inclusive Community Care

A music therapist colleague Miya Adout shared an article with me titled “Beyond Self-Care: Understanding Community Care and Why It’s Important”.  The article immediately resonated with me as it speaks on macro levels of caring for self and community.  The flow of the “Me” to the “We.”

 The World Health Organization states “self-care is what people do for themselves to establish and maintain mental health, and to prevent and deal with illness.”  Edmonton, AB writer, academic, community organizer and researcher Nakita Valerio speaks about taking self-care practices further to intentionally care for each other.  Our purpose on earth is to be a part of a collective heart centered approach to caring for all sentient beings and Mother Earth.  We take care of each other in this web of happiness, health, peace and ease.  And with all laws of attraction to give is to receive. 

In extension those who identify with socially marginalized groups are coping with systemic racism, violence and discrimination. Writer Fatima Dainkeh states “If people make up systems, and if many of the problems we face come from systemic issues, then we have a collective social responsibility to support one another as we work towards fixing those issues.”

In this frame of community care we see our interconnectedness and our collective responsibility for each other.  That we are a part of a unified existence to be of loving service in all facets of work and life. 

I am closing this journal with the Metta Bhavana Prayer. It’s direct translation is “to cultivate loving kindness.” This blessing acknowledges both the positive and negative states of being human.  Honouring all levels of human experience so there is no spiritual bypassing of our parts that feel unlovable or not very dignified.  Leaning into an open, inclusive, everyone is in space for Divine Love with self, community, and the world. 

Metta Bhavana Prayer

May I be happy

May I be healthy

May I be free of suffering 

May I be free of mental anxiety 

May I live in peace 

May my life be blessed with ease. 

May you be happy

May you be healthy

May you be free of suffering 

May you be free of mental anxiety 

May you live in peace 

May your life be blessed with ease. 

May we be happy

May we be healthy

May we be free of suffering 

May we be free of mental anxiety 

May we live in peace 

May our lives be blessed with ease.