Dark to Light: Performing in Pain
We all have them. Those days when we don’t feel “on.” Difficulty functioning, not feeling well-rested in the mornings, going through our own journeys with mental health, feeling overwhelmed with the demands of our business and life responsibilities.
Days when, the instant you open your eyes in the morning, you just know you’re not going to be able to function the way you want or need to through your day. Debilitating headaches, brain fog, sadness, anxiety, panic attacks… when one or more of them takes over your day, you can feel helpless, frustrated, disempowered, depressed, and hopeless.
I’ve never enjoyed these spaces. In fact, I’ve had a history of trying to push these feelings outside of my body as fast as possible so I can return to a state of ultimate performance. Hello, to our friend perfectionism! That little voice that insists you need to do just one more thing before you’re good enough. See one more client, do one more errand, make one more phone call. Others do it - why can’t you?
My previous “Dark to Light” journal post I stated “you can still be of loving service in your pain. Trust that the joy, the light, the love will return” and I thought that we could explore this concept further.
LOVING SERVICE IN PAIN
I can recall many conversations in my life, with both personal and work connections, in which we bonded over a collective feeling of exhaustion. For many it’s taboo to speak of mental health. In our dark days, we have our armour and shields up to protect ourselves. We wear masks to veil our identity and truth. To portray to our community that we are okay.
Life becomes difficult, as in our culture it’s not customary to openly speak about not being okay. I dream that this day will come. And when it does, it will give an authentic representation of the beauty of our imperfections. Imperfections which are a truth of our human nature, connecting all of us together.
As we journey forward I hope this conversation will invite you to think about, or remember, that every person has a story. In that story there is celebration, grieving, love, sorrow, heartbreak, resiliency, play, serenity.
Whether you're the one struggling to get out of bed and not feeling great, or someone else has rescheduled a commitment with you, be kind. Understand that we are all doing our best with the resources we have in this moment to be of loving service in our homes, communities, and work.
In these moments, when you feel that you fall short, show yourself the same empathy that you would show to a close friend in the same circumstances. You are and always will be enough in the present moment.
TRUST IN THE RETURN OF JOY
We all have our self care and wellness practices. This world holds many beautiful definitions and diverse perspectives of how to take care of our hearts and souls. From my learnings to date, I have experienced the magic of this unfolding.
In my darkest moments of anxiety and panic attacks I did my best to stay connected to those practices (i.e. movement, therapy, nature, journaling, music) and people that brought me joy. I am grateful I did as I believe that each of those glimmers has guided me home - to a sacred place of stillness, abundance, and vibrancy.
Gradually, I’ve become comfortable with my discomfort, and accepted the reality of my story. I am not perfect, nor am I meant to be. From that place of grace, I could love myself again. I could spend time caring for myself with kindness. I could enjoy my own company, learning more about the wonderful person I am through the introspection of meditation, journaling, and walks in nature.
It is not an easy path back to joy, and sometimes it means sitting with the uncomfortable parts longer than we’d like. But the journey is worth it. The reward of being able to look at yourself in the mirror and love who you see is invaluable. Being able to face even those imperfect days through a lens of light that helps you get out of bed in the morning and accomplish as much as you are able should be treasured. Feeling joy at the end of the day, even when you’ve fallen short of your own expectations, because of someone’s smile or a sunset or a bird’s song is priceless.
I am sending all my love to those on their healing journey, especially to my fellow business owner and therapist community. It is my hope that we will all feel less alone, even when providing our loving service during painful times. And that, trusting in the return of joy, we may all continue to be guided home in clarity, confidence and calm.
